Sometimes ideology can take over, or at least make somebody gridlocked at making rational decisions. I find that the case with me, especially with the different ideologies I tend to mix and match other. I guess that's one of the problems I've run into with my career explorations.

Get Out And Escape While You Still Can

I guess this is probably closest to what philosophers call the argument that cynics make. Cities are crowded, noisy, polluted, and of course lack parking. You lose control of how you determine to live your life. You have to live your life in the plastic model of society, one without choice and freedom, one with moral corruption.

I guess that's why I still consider becoming a computer programmer. I don't particularly enjoy doing computer things, but I'm not too bad at it, and it makes good money. While I don't spend much money, and don't regard money as being that valuable, I do see it as a way to buy my way out of the system. Well, at least in an limited sense.

Maybe I've been reading too much radical literature from the late 1960s, that all to often promotes rural isolationism, to escape the Vietnam-plastic machine, or maybe there is some truth to that. I really don't know, and it might even be dangerous to claim that I do understand.

Civilization comes with so many rules and regulation. You live day to day, fearing that you somehow have broken them, and your going to get in trouble. Nature has it's own rules, but it has no police, it makes up it's mind instantly. Okay, maybe I'm just reading way too much Thoreau.

What I Enjoy Studying

I like the Political Science courses I am currently taking. They are very interesting, government is a reflection of human needs and wants. It's what the public does when they get together. Studying, according to Mark, improves my research abilities and more importantly, my ability to process information.

The Scary Thing

The scary thing is that I'm going to be done (at least with undergraduate education) within 3 years from now. That sounds like a long time from now, but it really isn't. This fall I have to apply to different colleges that I plan to transfer into (which will probably be PoliSci). And then, the year after, I have to think about what to do after being a college graduate.

The spring of '04, I have to take LSAT exams, if I decide to go into law school (which is way too expensive). Or working having a career or grad school plans solidified. That's coming all to fast, and the scary thing is, I need to get a job in a field, which getting a job is a challenge.

Weak Economy and Weak Job Searching Skills

To make matters worst, my job searching and application skills are weak and crappy. Maybe I'm just too critical of myself, and maybe I'll improve. I guess a computer science degree would make finding a job far easier to do, but I don't really know for sure. The fact is the economy is going downhill, and if you listen to anybody but the always-happy-economists, you'll know how truly sick the economy is.

Hopefully things will turn around by the time I graduate from college in Spring of 2005, but there is no guarantees. Maybe I'm being a little bit negative about this, but I want to have a job after I get out of college, that pays half decently, and leads me to the path I have discussed to above.

Then There's Math

I guess you could say mathematics skills aren't really that bad, after all, I did make it through Pre-Calculus in High School (with a 65 average though) and got both A's in Statistics and College Alegebra and Trig (Tech Math). But it was a struggle. The only way I managed to do so well in Stat and Tech Math, was I had a $130 super calculator, that, you could program and teach to do, almost anything.

If I stay in political science, then I'll be done with math (excep

I think math would be too much of a struggle, and probably is one of the reasons why I'm scared to go back into computer science. Maybe the reason why I struggle with math so much, is it's hard to personalize, it's hard to get it to apply to me. Or maybe it just doesn't make sense to me. I did it for a long time, and I thought I would enjoy it (with compsci). But it never worked out that way.

Not Computer Science

I've written about computers before (many times, too). I simply don't have much of an interest in computers anymore, besides my PowerBook Duo 230, which I use to write all this stuff in. Computers are a great tool for research, and writing, but I could never see being a programmer.

Yes, I took computer programming in high school, and enjoyed it, and yes, I did iMacLinux.net, until I lost control of it, but I've changed. I'm no longer the same Andrew that I was a year and a half ago, and I continue to evolve. That's actually kind of scary, when you think about it. But as they say, I should welcome change, and not oppose it (although I should be selective and think about change critically—to think if things are getting better or worst).

Then There is Parking

Inside the capitol is so much different from the environment outside of it. It is so relaxed in the building, it's kind of like it's own little world. It's very interesting to watch procedure and democracy happen, right in front of your face. What happens in here, will effect how we all live our lives, even if we don't want to admit that. Things being debated, promoted and killed in this building will effect us all (that's what makes it so interesting).

It's all good, until you step outside. Then you find yourselves in a great big, noisy, dirty, disgusting city, with no parking close by. You have to settle to riding a bus to a less crazy part of the city.

This frustrates me totally. It means I have to worry about 9.3 million different freaking regulations for on street parking. And two bucks in bus fare, riding with a bunch of blacks, and not knowing all that crazy city stuff.

People say I'm not rational. But that's enough to make me consider a different major in college, just so I can avoid these parking bullshit while I am in college. The parking issue probably sets me over the top, it makes me hate doing these stupid internships. But I need them to get anywhere in this field. Damn it, I want my car, and I want to be able to park at the place I work at. I don't know, I really don't.

Getting A Summer Job

Maybe if I was in computer science, it would make getting a summer job. I would have more things on my resume to make getting a half decent summer job possible. Now, maybe if I'm lucky I can get a half decent summer job. If even that.

I guess that is part of the general college blues, and everybody suffers. But especially with the legislature closed in the summer, forget getting anything related to do in the summer. It sucks. Hard.

Conclusion

I guess when I look at my two hours in career counseling, with Mark Schemidoff, I learned a couple of things. First off, he wasn't going to be that much of a help. He is trying to help me think about a career and long-term plans, but he can't see inside my mind, so the best he can do is take an educated guess based on what I say. The fact is I am far more complex, then even I can fathom, much less communicate to people.

To explain my ideology, much less get it confused with my personality is even harder. So I guess trying to discover myself, maybe a useless process. Another thing I've learned from career counseling, is I know subconsciously and consciously what I want sometimes better then I pretend to be.

Maybe I'm ignorant and a bigot too. I have to watch for those evil qualities, that limit my ability to think freely and openly, and to challenge the world when I want to. And, Mark wants me to spend sometime (dread) reading about my 'favorite' Political Aide (not Karl Rove ;) and Senate Research, both areas he thinks I have potential in. Actually, I kind of like those ideas, even if I don't want to admit it.